Home
Login
Register
Recent Posts21
Community Lounge / Re: Hey!~
« Last post by Pamela on May 14, 2012, 04:45:10 pm »Sister I didn't realize you suffered from anxiety disorder, bless your heart! I lived with anxiety most of my life, it wasn't until agoraphobia took root from my anxiety that I finally realized "anxiety" was not a normal state to be in every second of every day! My disorder developed at a very young age and really can't even remember a time in my childhood that I did not have it. I can fully understand what you mean by, "it is what it is."Yes, I started suffering with this disorder back in the 1989/1990 some where around there. I was sitting at work on day and bam! It hit me out of no where. It was really bad in the beginning, but I have learned to get around some of it. Each time I figure out a new way to get around it - it seems to creep up in a new way to get around my getting around it.
I remember stressing myself out so badly over knowing I was not acting and reacting in what people consider a normal way, that just added more anxiety to what I was already feeling. I still have it but not every second like I use to, I have learned to recognize most of the things that are triggers for me. Growing older I have also changed in respect to how my reactions are, use to I would react with a scared terrified feeling and display of behavior, now those reactions have turned into snapping ill mannered behaviors, I become very agitated at the first signs of it creeping up on me, the shortness of breath, back of neck burning! I usually have to excuse myself and retreat somewhere quiet and cool so I can regain myself..keep reminding myself it is not others causing me to have the anxiety! I think that is the change in my older age now, it went from me perceiving that something was wrong with me into now something is wrong with everyone else and that is causing me to react!I can honestly say though that I never tried any of the meds they wanted me to, it seemed to me that was like putting a small bandaid on huge wound. Right now it is like I have healed the wounds but still have the scars to deal with ever now and then.
I have only one trigger point and it has been that way from the very beginning. It started with my boss at the time telling me he was heading to the restroom. Once I heard the door close, bam! it hit me. I can recall that day with a vivid recollection. It changed my life even up to this point. I went from being able to go any where at any time to quitting my job 2 weeks later and hiding from the world on my couch.
So today anytime I go some where I have to know where all the restrooms are if not, I have to send a scouting party, (my hubby) to find them before I will do anything. I have to know all the details about whether or not is there more than one, how far from the exit are they, etc. If I could get rid of those thoughts, the anxiety would vanish. I haven't a clue why it surfaced in that way. There is no reason for it other than the enemy using it, and creating it, to stop my feet from walking to where God wants me to go. Adding to the mix is when my back injury occured. Was not able to walk at one point and could not walk as fast as I used to after my surgery. Now I have arthritis setting in my right knee and it has slowed me down a little more. BUT!!!! God is a God of healing and I am hanging onto the promises HE has given to me!!!
They all more than happy to go ride a cloud and terrified they are going miss it! 
