Message #2563

[cizz]

Sister I didn't realize you suffered from anxiety disorder, bless your heart! I lived with anxiety most of my life, it wasn't until agoraphobia took root from my anxiety that I finally realized "anxiety" was not a normal state to be in every second of every day! My disorder developed at a very young age and really can't even remember a time in my childhood that I did not have it. I can fully understand what you mean by, "it is what it is." 

I remember stressing myself out so badly over knowing I was not acting and reacting in what people consider a normal way, that just added more anxiety to what I was already feeling. I still have it but not every second like I use to, I have learned to recognize most of the things that are triggers for me. Growing older I have also changed in respect to how my reactions are, use to I would react with a scared terrified feeling and display of behavior, now those reactions have turned into snapping ill mannered behaviors, I become very agitated at the first signs of it creeping up on me, the shortness of breath, back of neck burning! I usually have to excuse myself and retreat somewhere quiet and cool so I can regain myself..keep reminding myself it is not others causing me to have the anxiety! I think that is the change in my older age now, it went from me perceiving that something was wrong with me into now something is wrong with everyone else and that is causing me to react!  I can honestly say though that I never tried any of the meds they wanted me to, it seemed to me that was like putting a small bandaid on huge wound. Right now it is like I have healed the wounds but still have the scars to deal with ever now and then.